Farmor Maja

Secret-seasoned ground beef patties with oodles of onions, thin-as-can-be pancakes with lingonberries and sugar, miniature shots of whiskey, home-made rolls with raspberry jam and the inspirational rhyming guest book.

Tulips and roses and lilies galore, old-fashioned table-cloths laden with silver, coffee cups and matching saucers and plain white envelopes with blue ball-point cursive script.

Radio as entertainment, newspapers devoured in their entirety, sunrooms filled with greens and perfectly sized cushions, and photos, photos, always photos.

Nine decades plus two-and-a-half years of infinite wisdom, savvy and grandmotherly brilliance.

Dangling earrings, heart-shaped jewelry and fingernails painted red.

Laughter. Smiles. And always knowing that you're there -- no matter where we are -- only a phone call away.

Nothing's changed, really.

We'll just whisper through the moonlight and dancing blooms instead.

Groucho Says

Even the most picture-perfect sunlit days can turn gray-ish and super-seriously-somber. Mostly, I think, to help us revel in the other 364.

Next time you're feeling a touch of old-man-Marx, smile -- if only briefly -- at his most fabulous -isms. You never know ... it might make you reconsider your brief spell -- if only involuntarily.

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce."
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others."
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
"I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying all the wrong remedies."

Monday Madness

... And then there's the non-serendipitous little things that add sunlight to mayhem.

Pandora.

Today's list of music I-already-love-and-only-just-discovered:

• Talk to me then -- The Mysteries of Life
• Cold roses -- Ryan Adams & the Cardinals
• Four eyed girl -- Rhett Miller
• Drama queen -- The Jason Sinay Band
• Lee Anna -- Johnny Lee
• One for the road -- Portastatic
• Careful what you say -- Rodney Crowell
• It's too late to say goodbye -- The Cash Brothers
• Aphorism -- Collin Herring
• All the best -- John Prine
• You win again -- Hank Williams
• US steel -- Tom Russell
• You -- Nils Lofgren

Non-Fat Chai Latte

The good news is that even without a kitchen countertop and accompanying percolating coffee pot -- there's a Starbucks around the corner.

Little did I know that my morning beverage would also attempt to make me ponder. Printed on the side of my venti cup-a-joe, was this:

"True story. Recently, I eavesdropped on a conversation between two twenty-something employees at a local Starbucks. I listened as the barista mused about his taste in music. Then the cashier asked him if he had ever heard the song "Strawberry Fields Forever." After a pause, the barista answered, "No, can't say I ever heard that one before." That's when I knew there really was such a thing as a generation gap." -- Mary Chapin Carpenter

I'm putting all age-related thoughts on hold. For now, I just want to listen to "Down at the Twist and Shout".

Mommy Knows Best

It's a toss-up.

Not sure what is less appealing: the logic resulting in driving with a baby in your lap, or the silly fact that this is evidently news-worthy enough to be jammed among budget talks and nuclear qualms.

Naturally, the obvious solution would be real-life-TiVo.

Imagine breezing through days, fast-forwarding the gray bits and zooming and pausing and replaying everything sparkly and pink.

Brings a whole new meaning to personalized content.

Just Say No

I confess: I wish I was preaching to the choir.

But sadly, it seems that mis-information spread by gargantuan "food" empires may sway those few teens who have successfully avoided the predatory call of fried-chicken-on-a-bun and burgers laden with trans-fats.

I know.

Fast is easy. Fast is quick. And fast is decidedly simple.

But fast is also fat.

So, time it: tossing mixed greens from a bag with miniature tomatoes and vinaigrette vs. idling at the drive-thru.

Me: 1; fast food of your choice: big fat zero.

Bits and Bites

So though I can't say I'm a fan of deconstructed Caesar salads with their miniature piles of Romaine lettuce leaves and minced anchovies -- music is a completely different story.

Recommendations are easy to come by. Especially the uncreative kind.

But taking apart the notes, peering between the accoustics and analyzing the countrified beats, now that's close to brilliance.

At least theoretically.

I'm thinking an Ebert-esque like approval should arrive only after thorough testing.

For now, I'm salivating at the thought of applying it to edibles. If a formula can divine what other crunchables I'd enjoy as much as Grapenuts, I'd purchase stock. Immediately.

Spring Cleaning

"Important Information For Shopping Cart Users

For cleaner, healthier neighborhoods free from abandoned shopping cart blight:

Glendale stores are now required to keep their shopping carts on store property. Customers are NO longer able to take store-owned carts home with them. This means, some customers may need to purchase their own personal carts, which can be found at many local stores.

For more information, call Neighborhood Services at (818) 548-3700."

I sense a pending revolution.